Practice Makes Perfect
by Miss Selah
Summary: Sheldon Cooper wasn't great with words. A very sweet Sheldon x Penny.


Title: Practice makes Perfect

Author: Miss Selah

Summary: Sheldon Cooper wasn't great with words.

Genre: Romance / Humor

A/N: Not mine. I was just practicing my smile in the mirror for an interview today and was all... YES! THIS IDEA!

So here it is. Originally Labyrinth, but a special appearance from Jim Parsons on Conan changed my mind.

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Practice Makes Perfect

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Sheldon Cooper had been born gifted in many aspects; intelligent, tall, and a very strong shoulder line, if he did say so himself. And while he felt that truly, his intellect ought to have put him above and beyond when it came to being chosen for social interactions - after all, he was the most likely to come up with the best ideas - he recognized that society just wasn't really ready to accept a genuis of his calliber yet, and well, as far as he was concerned it was really their loss, not his.

But the actress across the hall was different.

Perky, pretty Penny... Sheldon would have ignored her completely, if someone hadn't said hi to her while she was moving in across the hall. He rarely said anything to the previous tennant, a large, african-american tansvestite, and they had a wonderful relationship, in Sheldon's opinion.

But the facts were the facts - Penny was going to be spending a lot of time in their apartment now that Leonard had decided to pair-bond with her, and if he didn't want to turn in to Raj of all things, he had better buck up and get used to it.

Brown brows were drawn together in agitation and he met his own reflection in the mirror, taking a deep breath.

He imagined her face, the lines of her mouth, the tilt of her eyes, and Sheldon began again.

"Hi Penny."

Sheldon pursed his mouth in displeasement and he went through his closet, only taking his eyes off of his reflection as he grabbed his flash shirt... it was thursday, after all.

"Penny, do come in."

He stuck his tongue out with a sigh. Way too formal.

He pulled his shirt on over a black thermal and straightened it out, pressing a cowlick back down against his head.

"Hello Penny."

Simple. Practical.

Sheldon smiled at himself, a thin-mouthed grin. Why was he even worried about this? The girl across the hall didn't matter!

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"Why Penny, fancy meeting you here!"

He grinned and swept a hand over the back of his head, and then looked at his reflection with a deadpan expression.

"Who are you, Howard?" he chastised himself. "You're a Doctor, for cricket's sake."

"Lovely weather we're having today."

Closer, but that wasn't it either.

"You should really consider switching to oxyclean, it's much more cost effective when you look at the statistically proven results of cleaner, brighter clothes."

Sheldon bashed his head against the wall next to his mirror with a sigh. This was stupid! Sheldon Cooper did not to stupid things!

Looking out of the corner of his eye, he could barely see his reflection in the mirror as he murmured. "I'm sorry I threw your underwear on a phone line..."

Even if he really wasn't.

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He blushed. He was the Sheldon Cooper, and he still couldn't even manage to look at his own reflection without blushing as he thought of Penny.

"We've been friends now for a few years, and I've grown quite fond of you..."

Too clinical. That wouldn't do.

"Penny, your charms are such that they have even affected the like of me."

Too self centered.

He looked himself dead in the eye, and turned a slight shade of pink.

"You're beautiful."

He covered his eyes and nose, unable to meet his own reflection. It wouldn't do if he couldn't say it without a blush!

He cleared his throat and tried again.

"Penny, would you do me the pleasure of going on a proper date sometime?"

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He reminded himself that he was a reasonable adult and that what he was about to ask of Penny is something that a reasonable adult who had been seeing another reasonable adult in a completely unplatonic manner would eventually ask.

He made eye contact with himself and promptly looked down.

"If Howard can do this, so can I..." he told himself, but he spoke to his hands.

"Penny, I've been thinking that we ought to move our relationship to the next level," his voice cracked, and he went two pitches higher than he intended. "Don't you agree?"

That was terrible. He'd have to try again.

"You know that I've always made my stance on the exchange of bodily fluids quite clear, but kissing you has proven to be most enjoyable, I was wondering if you would be interested in participating in coitus with me?"

No, if he remembered correctly - and he always remembered correctly - Penny had banned him from ever using the word coitus. No good.

He looked up at the mirror and cocked and eyebrow. "Hey, baby..."

He shook his head. That was just ridiculous! Penny would never fall for something so-

_Knock, knock, knock. _

"Sheldon? Can I come in?"

Sheldon turned red and almost screamed at her that no one was allowed in his room, but then he remembered that she liked to be the initiator.

Sheldon opened the door and smiled.

Big 'ol five, indeed.

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There was a heavyweight in his pocket, and a heavy weight on his heart. Sheldon had never been more concerned about the socially acceptable way to do things, and his desire to make sure that everything was absolutely perfect was not helping.

"You know that I have cherished our time together."

He stopped to brush an errant hair behind his ear and contemplated, not for the first time, he felt like a teenage heartthrob. Definitely time to get a hair cut - he should probably get that taking care of before he took care of this.

"I have always found you utterly enchanting, even when you still thought that Star Wars and Star Trek were the same thing."

No. Better to leave the past in the past. The last thing that he needed was for the girl to regress back to the days when she had thought of him as an asexual homebody.

"I understand that there is a period of time that people who are in intimate relationships spend together before it becomes necessary to take the other 'off the market,' as it were."

That sounded lame, even to his untrained ears.

"Did you know that penguins mate for life, and that the male presents a pebble to his chosen mate... like this one!"

Interesting fact, he conceded to himself, but Penny was more interested in romantic things.

"Marriage these days is really just about the bonding of assets; you know, mine are in perfect order. Perhaps that could benefit you?"

No need to make the poor girl feel worse about herself, Sheldon thought.

"Would you like to make our pair-bond permanent?"

He stared at himself in the mirror, pleased. Perhaps that was the one?

"Oh, for crying out loud, Sheldon!" Leonard yelled through the thin apartment walls. "Just ask her if she'll marry you!"

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Sheldon straightened his tie in the mirror and smiled.

His three friends, a good majority of his colleagues, his mother and sister and even his mee-maw were all outside, waiting for him. And her. He studied himself in the mirror and smiled.

There was no need for practice; when the time came, he knew exactly what he was going to say.

"I do."

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A/N: Reviews are the only payment I get, and they generally let me know how well-received a story was. So if you like it, and want to see more Big Bang Theory from me, please let me know! Thanks!


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